Why is it that every time I have these grand notions of cooking I always am somehow deferred and wind up ordering take-out or eating what I like to call block of salt (Lean Cuisine's)?
Well, actually I know the answer to this. It is because for some reason or another I think you are not allowed to buy new groceries until every last nut, grape, chip, ounce of hummus, etc. is gone. Of course this typically causes me to eat meals that has previously consisted of a sandwich with mustard, cheese and pretzels. Doesn't sound half bad right? Well maybe if you're in second grade, but trust me - it ain't. It's like a party in your stomach and honey honey, that ain't where you want your parties happening.
Another side effect of this disease is having all your food go bad, and not realizing it until you're desperately scrounging to finish your food due to your made-up rule. Today I walked to the grocery store in the (light) rain so that I could finally use some pizza dough I bought... I don't remember when. And to get some trash bags considering my roommate and I have been living without for over a week now. Seriously, our apartment looks like a minefield of tied plastic grocery bags filled with trash.
I get home after picking up every other item I need to make pizza and what do I discover? The pizza dough expired a month ago.
Seriously?
SBM looking for SWF
Well here I was promising you moments from my life that we could all relish in and it's been over a week. For my absence, my deepest, synthetic apologies - like the kind you give to the chatty girl blocking the subway doors you "accidentally" shoulder check on the way out.
Speaking of interesting encounters on public transportation, I myself met some interesting characters to add to my cast list this past week. The most interesting of all may be Glenn. Glenn Stanley.
As a rule of thumb, I never trust anyone with two first names. Needless to say I didn't know Glenn's last name, or first for that matter, when I stepped onto the NYC subway heading towards Brooklyn. At least, I thought it was headed toward Brooklyn... wait, this is express? Will it go to my stop?... Now, wait are you sure?
Lucky for me, I was in the company of several experienced New Yorkers like Glenn, who moved to the U.S. about 10 years ago from the Virgin Islands. This Glenn was no virgin though. In fact, he'd already produced two offspring: both daughters, ages 20 and 21. This tidbit came after Glenn pleaded with me to introduce him to some of my friends. His one requirement: not a young mind. So, ladies. Here is my personal ad for Glenn:
SBM looking for SWF; age 43; used to live in the Virgin Islands and has previously lived in NC, FL and currently resides in Brooklyn, NY. He enjoys taking women to lounges and drinking - make that sipping on - Hennessy and Coronas, with a lemon. He works very hard delivering and putting together furniture, sometimes gaining tips of $200 for one delievery. He will also cook you food, which kind I cannot specify seeing as I droned him out after awhile.
After discussing... well, mostly Glenn I think I finally drove home the point that I was off limits, even though he operates under the assumption that you're allowed one significant other in each state but not city. Area code rule y'all! Yet he was still a gentleman, old man. Glenn even missed his stop to make sure I'd be okay getting off, but not as he'd originally intended. We hugged one another goodbye.
Seriously?
Speaking of interesting encounters on public transportation, I myself met some interesting characters to add to my cast list this past week. The most interesting of all may be Glenn. Glenn Stanley.
As a rule of thumb, I never trust anyone with two first names. Needless to say I didn't know Glenn's last name, or first for that matter, when I stepped onto the NYC subway heading towards Brooklyn. At least, I thought it was headed toward Brooklyn... wait, this is express? Will it go to my stop?... Now, wait are you sure?
Lucky for me, I was in the company of several experienced New Yorkers like Glenn, who moved to the U.S. about 10 years ago from the Virgin Islands. This Glenn was no virgin though. In fact, he'd already produced two offspring: both daughters, ages 20 and 21. This tidbit came after Glenn pleaded with me to introduce him to some of my friends. His one requirement: not a young mind. So, ladies. Here is my personal ad for Glenn:
SBM looking for SWF; age 43; used to live in the Virgin Islands and has previously lived in NC, FL and currently resides in Brooklyn, NY. He enjoys taking women to lounges and drinking - make that sipping on - Hennessy and Coronas, with a lemon. He works very hard delivering and putting together furniture, sometimes gaining tips of $200 for one delievery. He will also cook you food, which kind I cannot specify seeing as I droned him out after awhile.
After discussing... well, mostly Glenn I think I finally drove home the point that I was off limits, even though he operates under the assumption that you're allowed one significant other in each state but not city. Area code rule y'all! Yet he was still a gentleman, old man. Glenn even missed his stop to make sure I'd be okay getting off, but not as he'd originally intended. We hugged one another goodbye.
Seriously?
who the hell is angela chase?
Let me let you in on a little secret: I'm not actually Angela Chase. But, like any decent human being who grew up in the '90s, I followed the short-lived MTV hit "My So-Called Life." The main character, Angela Chase, depicted a normal teenager dealing with everything involved with being a teenager - boys, school, family, friends, etc.
The main different between my so-called teenage life and my so-called adult life can be summed up to a few things: boobs, alcohol and a college education.
So now here I am, boobs and all! And with my boobs and college education (and usually the help of alcohol), I'll be sharing with you the situational comedic moments of my life and other's. I assure you there will be many. And if you have any of your own you'd like to share, please contact me at mysocalledsitcom@gmail.com.
The main different between my so-called teenage life and my so-called adult life can be summed up to a few things: boobs, alcohol and a college education.
So now here I am, boobs and all! And with my boobs and college education (and usually the help of alcohol), I'll be sharing with you the situational comedic moments of my life and other's. I assure you there will be many. And if you have any of your own you'd like to share, please contact me at mysocalledsitcom@gmail.com.
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